Morning
Zrich is still pitch-black at 7AM. And still almost a month 'til the solstice!
Still... I love early morning. The quiet stillness of the air, moved only by little fresh breezes, the muted twittering of birds, the way the sky lightens over the dark silhouette of the hills, the last pale stars hanging in the deep blue. For the weather has finally got nice, after weeks of horribleness.
I guess it's a good thing I love early morning -- something tells me I'm going to be seeing a lot of them, very soon!
I forgot to vote like a good citizen. Last day for it was yesterday. (Why are there so many voting times? Didn't I just vote recently??) Now they shall never know my opinion on the minarets... will they fine me or something, I wonder?
It is one week exactly to when this baby is due. I can't really believe it. I also don't know how I'm going to get through another week, or more like two, or more! And then I wonder: am I simply doing this to myself? Am I being a hypochondriac or something? Am I making up imagined pains to make pregnancy even more miserable than it need be? Because it doesn't make sense to me, that it is this hard...
I'm a tough girl. I can put up with a fair bit of discomfort and just brush it off with minimal complaining. I always have. I'm strong, and healthy, and capable. And while I'm not a big girl, I'm certainly not a small girl either. So why is this pregnancy so tough? I went into it thinking it would be annoying and uncomfortable, but assuming I wouldn't have any issues, that the strength and healthiness I'm used to would pull through as ever. And it has, from many standpoints... I'm still, at 39 weeks, perfectly capable of walking faster than most non-pregnant people, carrying more, functioning on less sleep; I haven't been sick or *very* exhausted; there have been no issues with pre-eclampsia or bad glucose levels or baby being distressed or anything else (except the stupid excessive Braxton-Hicks contractions).
But I wasn't expecting this kind of pain, constantly. I wasn't expecting the sciatica which makes it impossible to be comfortable in *any* position at this point, and randomly deactivates my right leg whenever I need it most. I wasn't expecting to wake up every single night with stabs of agony in my stomach. And I wasn't expecting my entire skeletal system to feel like it is breaking. That is almost the worst. All of my central skeletal system - spine, ribs, hips - feel like they are being constantly wrenched apart, and it hurts like anything.
Woke up this morning at 4am with so bad pain in my abdomen I couldn't stand up straight. Went to pee, went back to bed. Couldn't lie on either side because my hips hurt so much: tried lying on my back but could barely breathe with the elephant sitting on me. What is this baby made of that she weighs so much? Gold? Fell asleep again but had the most horrible dreams of suffocating -- could hear myself gasping for air even in my sleep -- so woke up again at 6ish and just got up. My ribs ached so horribly, and I was having another horrible stabbing pain in my lungs whenever I inhaled, so I took a very hot shower for a long time which seemed to kind of ease it up. Though lately my showers have involved me kind of slumping in the bathtub (thank goodness for detachable shower heads!) because it hurts my back/tailbone too much to stand up straight.
Surely it can't be like this for everybody? IS it just all in my head??






